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Sunday, October 9, 2016

#8Sunday - WeWriWa: The Pilot


Welcome to Weekend Writing Warrior and 8 Sentence Sunday time, the weekly hop for everyone who loves to write! Writers share an 8 to 10 sentence snippet. Be sure to visit the other writers. You can find them here.

My snippet today is from The Pilot (An Outer Rim Novel: Book 1). The Outer Rim series is about strong women on the frontier of space. Last week, Celara meets Trevarr for the first time in person. We continue from there. Please forgive all the "saids" and commas used to fit the required length.

         “Did you arrive on that hauler?” he said, his voice a tantalizing allure of baritone and chokiris, sounded vaguely familiar.
         “Yep that’s my ship,” she said as the tucked her thumbs into the side pockets of her trousers and thrust out her chest a little in pride, “D’Enfaden’s Thermopylae--fastest little transport in three sectors.”
            He walked past her to examine her ship then ran his hand—long, strong fingers, she noted—over the dents and scrapes along the aft section and said, “It appears to have sustained damage.”
           “My thruster gimbal got damaged when I kissed an asteroid evading filthy pirates, but they didn’t catch me,” she said grinning. “Hey, you new around here?" She raised her hand, palm outward, in the traditional indie greeting, saying, “Celara d’Enfaden and you are . . . "
When he reached into the pocket of his work uniform and pulled out a zircan leather folder, she groaned before he even opened it, knowing what the folder contained--a shiny gold badge, carved with an intricate array of stars, swirls and a tiny red jewel in the center--the insignia of the Coalition. “I am Administrator Trevarr Jovano,” he said, snapping his fingers, bringing two armed Security personnel out of the shadows of the Agilean Speeder. “I am impounding your ship and confiscating your cargo.”

Life on the frontier of space is hard enough for a freighter pilot, so when pirates stole Celara d'Enfaden's cargo, she vowed not to be tricked again. Determined to make an example out of indie pilots who disobey orders, Coalition Administrator Trevarr Jovano impounds Celara’s starship and cargo. If he backs down, he’ll lose respect. If she can’t deliver her cargo, she’ll default on her loan and lose her only home—her ship. More important than her ship, though, is her brother. To rescue him from a galactic gangster, she’ll even work with Trevarr who’s bent on avenging his wife’s murder.




I'm traveling, so I may be late getting to everyone.

15 comments:

  1. Here she's being so friendly and showing off her pride in evading the pirates, and what does he do? Destroy her.

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  2. Great snippet. Such natural dialogue. This is exactly the way it would go down in real life.

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  3. Great dialogue. He worms his way in, making her think he is being friendly, and then...wham! How will she manage now, without her ship?

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  4. Oh, I LOVE this book! Thanks for reminding me of why, Di.

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  5. She definitely picked the wrong man to brag about her ship.

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  6. Uh oh! Obviously not the response she was hoping for. Great snippet! :)

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  7. Lol. This is going to get interesting. Nothing like being blindsided by a cute Coalition Administrator,

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  8. Impounding the ship and taking the cargo? :-O Talk about being a party-pooper! Nice snippet!

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  9. Just when she thought she had seduced the man! No way, Miss. Interesting and so much more.

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  10. Well that's an uh oh moment for sure! I love how you lead up to it. The book's plot sounds GREAT.

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  11. What? That's not very nice. I love how the scene started going in one direction and took a sudden turn for the worse.

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  12. Well, I'll be... I definitely wasn't expecting that to happen! Great snippet.

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  13. I love your comments! Thanks so much. I have iffy internet, but I'll try to get to everyone.

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  14. Wowzer! She's not quite as spunky now, I'll bet. What a bummer.

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  15. The snippet was great, but the ending was what made it epic. I can't wait to see her reaction! :D

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