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Saturday, March 11, 2017

#WeWriWa #8Sunday - Meddling Mama: Meet Maria


Welcome to Weekend Writing Warrior and 8 Sentence Sunday, the weekly hops for everyone who loves to read and write! Writers share an 8 to10 sentence snippet. Be sure to visit the other writers. You can find them here.

My snippet is from my upcoming release, THE CASE OF THE MEDDLING MAMA, an Alex O'Hara Novel, third in my PI mystery series. Along with some creative punctuation, it hasn't been edited yet, so suggestions are welcome.

This snippet is from the first chapter and continues after Alex returns from the dress shop.

“Alexandra, is that you?” Maria Palzetti, Nick’s mom and self-appointed office manager, called out as I came in through the back door of the agency.
“Yes, it’s me.”
“It is I,” Maria corrected as she bustled down the hall. Short and a little on the plump side, she always looked stylish. Today, she wore a floral infinity scarf over a soft lavender short-sleeve sweater and a gray skirt. Her salt-and-pepper hair framed her face on which she wore light make-up. “Always remember to use proper English.”
“Yes, Mother,” I said, hoping my grin would take the sting out of my smart-aleck response. After Mom died, Maria had become the closest thing to a mother, even though she never tried to take Mom’s place. Actually, she was my mother-in-law—she just didn’t know it.
And I wasn’t saying.


Last week, I played with the blurb. Not exactly what I want but better than before.

Once again, Alex O’Hara is up to her ears in mysteries. After surviving an attempted murder, all she wants is R&R time with Nick Palzetti. But his mother leaving his father (“that horse’s patoot”) and moving in with Alex puts a crimp in their plans. Then Nick leaves on assignment and the teen she rescued from an abusive father believes his buddy is doing drugs. Meanwhile, Alex has two easy cases to take her mind off her shaky relationship with Nick—a philandering husband and a background check on a client’s boyfriend. Piece of cake.






40 comments:

  1. Love it! This is going to be another winner. Can't wait to read it!

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  2. She doesn't know they're married? Well, that just adds to the excitement of this story. Love it! :)

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  3. Oho. So what's with not knowing she's Alex's mother in law?

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  4. Her mother-in-law doesn't know her son's married? Oh boy!

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  5. Sneaky little zinger at the end. I like it!

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  6. Haha, oh boy- Mama-in-law is in for a surprise!

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  7. Wow! I wouldn't change a thing in this snippet. That's a great hook. :-)

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  8. Loved the intrigued you built into your last two sentences, Diane. I am with Teresa on this. It's an excellent piece of writing.

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  9. Loved the intrigued you built into your last two sentences, Diane. I am with Teresa on this. It's an excellent piece of writing.

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  10. Oho! That's one heck of a secret to be carrying around!

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    1. And it's killing Alex to be around Nick's mother and keep that secret.

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  11. Charming description then OOPS! You do have an amusing way of turning a phrase.

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  12. Oh - big clue there - a secret marriage?

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  13. Excellent hook right at the end. Love it.

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  14. The last lines certainly caught my attention.

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  15. Maria's look perfectly matches her personality. Love it!

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  16. That's the kind of secret that gets out eventually. And I doubt it will end well!

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  17. Eek! An in-law all set to remodel her.

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  18. A lot of information revealed in a tiny snippet. Wonderful description of Maria--I could easily visualize her.

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  19. Oh my, secret wedding, I wonder how Maria is going to take it. She might faint. I wonder why she wasn't invited.

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    Replies
    1. No fainting. Maria is tougher than that. ;)

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  20. Maria sounds like a fun lady, but the mother-in-law who doesn't know she's a mother-in-law moving in with her? Talk about tension!

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    1. Yep. All kinds of tension and opportunities for Alex to slip up.

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