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Saturday, March 10, 2018

#WeWriWa - NUMBERS NEVER LIE: We Need to Talk


Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors where authors share an 8 - 10 sentence snippet. Be sure to visit the other authors. You can find them here

Thanks for all your comments on last week's snippet. I'm sharing a work-in-progress, a romantic suspense about a woman who doesn't believe her accountant brother's car crash was an accident. I had a brainstorm this week and came up with a better title. Numbers Never Lie

Suggestions are very welcome on the blurb as well as the snippet. Please excuse the rogue commas.

Today's snippet is from the end of Chapter One. After visiting his sister in the middle of the day, Jack returned to the plant where he was doing an audit. The client was his partner's, but since Ben had been hospitalized after a motorcycle accident, Jack had taken on the job. It's late at night and fog had come in off Lake Michigan.


Even before he pushed open the heavy glass door, Jack saw that the janitors were right; not only was the light at the end of the parking lot out, the one at this end barely penetrated the fog. He clicked on the flashlight on his cell phone, but it only shone a foot or so in front of him.
Hearing a soft skitter near the dumpster, his first thought was rats, and he shuddered then clicked his remote—from ten feet away, his head- and taillights barely penetrated the mist.
Weary beyond belief, he dragged himself to his car, he needed to return to the plant tomorrow—make that later today since it was after twelve-thirty—to do more digging in the company’s files. He couldn’t believe what he’d discovered so far; this went way beyond anything he imagined, the implications—
“Jack?”
Startled by the familiar voice, he dropped his keys, and his phone slipped out of his fingers and skidded away. When he peered in direction of the sound, a figure stepped away from the dumpster’s hulking shape.
            
“Jack, we need to talk.”
Jack had one thought. Thank God, I stopped at Maggie’s.

[end of Chapter One]


Here's the tentative blurb:

A shocking secret brings danger to Jack Sinclair and his sister Maggie. 

As kids, they were the fearless threesome. As adults, Jack's an accountant; Drew, a lawyer; Maggie, a teacher and camping troop leader. Returning from a weekend camping trip, Maggie receives horrifying news. She refuses to believe her brother’s fatal car crash was an accident. If the police won’t investigate, she’ll do it herself. Convincing Drew Campbell to help is her only recourse.

Drew Campbell was too busy to return his best friend’s phone call. Too busy to attend a camping meeting important to his teen daughter. Too busy to stay in touch with Jack. Logic and reason indicate Jack’s accident was just that--an accident caused by fatigue and fog. Prodded by guilt, he’ll help Maggie even if he thinks she’s wrong.

A break-in at Jack’s condo convinces Maggie she’s right. Then her home is searched. What did Jack leave behind?


Two of my books are on sale at Smashwords. Today (Saturday) is the last day.


The Pilot (first book in the Outer Rim series) and The Case of the Bygone Brother (first Alex O'Hara PI mystery) are 50% off. 


38 comments:

  1. Oh, who is it and what do they want? Very intriguing! :)

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  2. Very creepy scene! Wonder who wants to talk to him?

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  3. Intriguing. Sounds to me like Jack is in trouble.

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  4. Voices coming at you through the fog are always creepy and then having to try and find his phone - not having a good day. Tweeted.

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    1. Thanks for tweeting, Daryl. Plus trying to find his keys. Trouble.

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  5. First: I love the title "Numbers Never Lie" <-- this sets a tone for your book. Second: Great snippet. I hate fog. I hate fog in stories. I hate that bad guys wait in the fog.... Spooks me right out.

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    1. Thanks, Sue. That's what I thought, too (about the title). It just seemed to fit. The fog creeped me out, too.

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  6. Ooh, dramatic, spooky, excellent use of the fog and all the details about the lights. LOVED the excerpt.

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    1. Thanks, Veronica. That the effect I was going for.

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  7. “Jack, we need to talk.” Those are never good words!

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    1. No, they aren't. Even if there wasn't fog.

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  8. It doesn't sound good. But, we're left in suspense!

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    1. Worse, it's for a whole chapter while she & the kids go camping. Hehe.

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  9. I like the new title too - and the way you build the atmosphere with the fog and the lights (or lack of them) makes this a very eery and suspensful scene. Gret stuff!

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  10. Thats a good ending for chapter 1. Love the title.

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  11. Diane, this is great! More power to you. All the luck with this WIP. Thanks for co-hosting IWSG's question.
    http://victoriamarielees.blogspot.com

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  12. With the fog, the dumpster, and the suggestion of rats - this scene chilled me. Nicely done!

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  13. Oy!What a cliffhanger!

    Excellent job painting the spooky atmosphere. I really am wondering just who that voice belongs to...

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  14. Love the suspense and I’m dying to know who this person is.

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  15. That's scary! Now i want to know who it is.

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  16. Nicely evocative descriptions of the fog. The last sentence seemed a bit of a non-sequitur but I assume it makes sense to someone who's read the whole chapter :)

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  17. Very ominous. Great atmosphere in this snippet.

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  18. Spooky scene! I can't figure out if he's about to meet his doom, or a friend.

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    1. Thanks, Ed. Exactly what I wanted to convey.

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  19. I agree, very spooky. But if this turns out to be friend and not foe, he's still going to have a time of it finding the stuff he dropped!

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