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Saturday, January 12, 2019

#WeWriWa: Rescuing Mara's Father - Caught Daydreaming


Each weekend the Weekend Writing Warriors share an 8 - 10 sentence snippet. Be sure to visit the other authors. You can find them here.

Last week, I started sharing a new story, a Middle Grade/YA science fiction adventure. It's a work in progress, so suggestions would be great. This snippet follows last week's. BTW, the narrator is Mara, an almost 15-year-old girl. Sorry for the confusion last week.

Please excuse the creative punctuation, necessary to keep this within the guidelines. It's also edited from the original.

Of course, where I’d really rather be is in the pit at spaceport taking apart the engine of a Gilean Cruiser or, better yet, at Pamyria Tech learning how to fly one. I can’t wait so I don’t have to listen to—
“. . . Mara?”
How in Smilian's Pit does Teacher always know when I’m not listening? Reluctantly, I get to my feet because he insists we stand when speaking like we’re in a real classroom on a Central Planet instead of his study in a mining village on the Outer Rim. Since there are only eight of us older kids, we sit in two rows, one in front of the other. Usually, I sit in the back row with my buddy Jako, but today the others got there first, and I had to sit in front. Lukus always sits in the front row whether or not he comes in late, like today—he missed the linguistics and mathematics lessons that were a lot more interesting, where I always know the right answers. Now, he gets to see me humiliated—not that I care what he thinks of me, I don’t.
Teacher waits as I try to figure out what question he asked, while part of me wants to crawl under the table and hide, instead I continue to stand, back straight, head up, my face burning hotter than the Laborian Desert.


Tentative blurb:
My father is gone! Taken by the Queen of Compara’s agents. I have to rescue him before the Queen tortures and kills him.
Never mind, we’ve had a rocky road lately. Instead of the kind, loving father I’ve always known, he’s become demanding, critical, with impossible expectations—not just as Father but also as the only teacher in our frontier outpost. I’d rather scoop zircan poop than listen to another boring lecture about governments on Central Planets. Give me a starship engine to take apart or, better yet, fly, and I’m happy.
Never mind, Father promised I could go off planet to Tech Institute next month when I turn fifteen, where I’ll learn to fly starships.
Never mind, I ran away because I’m furious with him for reneging on that promise. Father is my only parent. I have to save him.


Be sure to check out the other WeWriWa authors. 


24 comments:

  1. Nope, she doesn't care what Lukus thinks of her. Absolutely no doubt about that. ;-)

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  2. LOL I see so much conflict here already. Love it!

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  3. Uh-oh! You describe her discomfort beautifully and the situation is very relatable, even if those memories are decades in the past :)

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    1. Thanks, Ian. I hope my potential readers will think so.

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  4. Oh dear, she's got it bad for Lukas, doesn't she?

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    1. Of course not, Christina. She said she doesn't. LOL

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  5. She's very relatable, and the blurb makes her even more so. Sounds like a great story in the making.

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    1. Thanks so much, Alexis. I appreciate the encouragement.

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  6. Oops - that's what comes of daydreaming in class.

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    1. You're right, Aurora. Can't tell you how many times I was caught.

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  7. Great imagery with the use of colorful metaphors. She is a character! I have a hunch she cares a lot about what Lukus thinks of her. lol

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    1. Thanks, Karen. You know 15-yr-old girls. Wouldn't admit she likes him if she's tortured.

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  8. "...not that I care what he thinks of me." Um, the protest is a little too much, lol. I suspect there's way more caring there than she's willing to let on.

    Great snippet!

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    1. Thanks, Teresa. Sort of a like/hate relationship. Ah, young love.

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  9. Methinks she protests too much about not caring about Lukus's opinion! I love your heroine, Di!! So spunky!

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    1. Thanks, Nancy. You know me and my heroines. LOL

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  10. I like being able to 'listen in' on her stream of consciousness thinking. I like this character and I'd say you're hitting the MG tone very well. Great snippet!

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  11. I was always getting in trouble for woolgathering at school. I hated the feeling of having the spotlight on me as is happening to this character.

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