It's the first Wednesday of the month and that means it's Insecure Writers Support Group time. IWSG is the brainchild of Ninja Captain Alex
J. Cavanaugh Thanks, Alex, for starting this group and keeping it going. And thanks
to this month's awesome hosts Charity Bradford, S.A. Larsen, AJ, Tamara Narayan, Allison Gammons, and Tanya Miranda!
I wish I had advice to give those struggling with insecurities.
We all have them. It’s part of our makeup as writers. To be a good writer, we
have to be sensitive. Not just feel emotions, we have to be able to write so
well that we elicit emotions in our readers.
That’s a tough job.
So being sensitive people, we are easily hurt when someone
says our “baby is ugly”—aka, rejection. Not just formal rejections from an
editor or agent, but by critique partners when they point out what isn’t
working in the story. Or a family member who thinks we just sit around all day
and drink coffee. (Okay, we do a lot of that, too.) Nobody but another writer
knows how hard it is to put words on a page (or screen) in a cohesive way that
forms a story. When we don’t receive positive support, we hurt.
We read how we need to toughen up, develop a thick skin.
Yeah, right. We throw our heart and soul into our work, an editor loves it
enough to give it life, and a reviewer thinks it stinks. Ouch. How do we deal
with that? Not read reviews? Then we might miss those 5-star reviews that make
our day and give us that proverbial pat on the back we need.
Working in solitude, we often feel alone. In online writer groups
like this or groups that meet in person, our peers bolster us and help us
deal with insecurity. Hurray for the Insecure Writers Support Group where we
can let our insecurities hang out and know that someone (many someones) will
offer words of comfort and encouragement.
As a reminder, here's the purpose of IWSG: To share and encourage.
Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing
foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer
assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all
kinds!
Happy Writing and don't let insecurity get you down.
Click here to
find others on the Insecure Writers Support Group Blog Hop. Or go to IWSG on Facebook to see who’s
blogging today.
It helps when we know we're not alone. I have so many supportive blogger friends who delight me and keep me going. This once a month foray of IWSG is invaluable. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt sure does help, Denise.
ReplyDeleteYes, we do need to know that we're not adrift alone in the sea of writing and publishing.
ReplyDeleteGreat imagery, J.L.
DeleteAgreed, and the IWSG has helped me so much with practical advice as well as simple support and empathy. Because both are equally important.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Angeline. Sometimes all we need is someone who says "I've been there."
DeleteGreat post! Thank you Diane! It sure does help having this group. :-) Have an awesome day!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tracy Jo. Hope you have an awesome day, too.
DeleteGoodness do I hear you! Rejection sucks. We do have to pass through it though if we plan to succeed in this industry. How else would we grow and strive to be better?
ReplyDeleteRight on, Crystal. I've learned more from rejections & critiques than any book or article on writing.
DeleteYes! Sometimes our insecurity is the reason the words don't come. What if they're bad? Great post, Diane.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Patty. I keep thinking about Nora Roberts' quote "I can't edit a blank page." Isn't that the truth?
DeleteHear, hear! We are in a very tough field. To survive with our emotional skin in tact< I think it helps to develop really good stress coping skills. Rejection (or even acceptance) can be major stressors and if we make sure to take time for us, to build our inner strength we can cope and move on :).
ReplyDeleteGreat advice, Marie.
DeleteThere are moments like the one I'm living right now that let the heart soar. Those moments sure soften the tough ones.
ReplyDeleteHere's my link if you'd like to drop by :-)
Anna from Elements of Writing
I agree, Anna.
DeleteIt is tough to get criticism from anyone, but especially family. But then again, tough reviews just make me want to work harder on the next piece.
ReplyDeletePeople, esp. family, want to spare our feelings. What I want is thoughtful suggestions on making my work better.
DeleteLove this! Support is great. It is hard to face the kinds of rejection and critique we must if we want to grow, but then you see the growth and you know it's worth it. Doesn't end all insecurity, but it certainly gives you more confidence in the process.
ReplyDeleteTricia, you said it so well. If we don't grow, we stagnate.
DeleteI have no physical 'writerly' support.
ReplyDeleteThe online support definitely keeps me going!
Michelle, I have the most wonderful writing group. We're a local chapter of Romance Writers of America. Because we're from all over Michigan, sometimes our meetings take up an entire Saturday (if you include the driving). It's so worth it to find a supportive group. Online groups like IWSG really help.
DeleteI love being a part of IWSG! Receiving all the support and encouragement is wonderful, and I always hope I give at least some of that back to others. :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes we give and other times we need. This group is great for atta-girls/boys and empathy. We need both.
DeleteI love that "tells us our baby is ugly" line. Made me smile.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree, writing groups are invaluable. Sometimes you just need to be with someone who gets you.
Thank goodness for writing groups.
DeleteYou've described it perfectly. I was just thinking about it on my walk this morning. I want people to tell me what to do to improve, but I want to hear it delivered in the nicest way possible.
ReplyDeletePlay off the Page
Tact is so important. I, too, want to know what my work needs, but I don't need to be bludgeoned with it.
DeleteAfter a while, I do feel that we get thicker skin but...rejection will always hurt no matter what. I think we just handle it a little easier or know how to get past the hurt faster than when we first started out.
ReplyDeleteSo true, Chrys. We have to remember it's one person's opinion.
DeleteIWSG is always helpful to me when I'm feeling insecure. Just knowing others out there are facing the same thing and offering encouraging words really motivates me.
ReplyDeleteIt's a great feeling that we are not alone.
DeleteI SO appreciate IWSG! It's been a big help. Nice to "meet" you in the blogosphere!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nadine. Love your blog. It's great to meet you, too.
DeleteIWSG has been the inspiration I needed to realize I'm not alone. I appreciate it, along with the opportunity to connect with other authors & soak up all the great advice!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad my friend Nancy Gideon (IWSG #98) suggested I check this group out. I haven't regretted joining. Love connecting with writers who don't write in my genres. Wouldn't have found them without IWSG.
DeleteHi Diane! It's a lot easier to say we need that thick skin than it is to develop it. Goodness knows I've shed enough tears (and hidden even more heartbreak) over harsh words. Here's the good news: It is possible to grow that skin. After years of stressing over all the things you mentioned, I've finally reached the point where I can take it. The subjective nature of reviews and rejection finally makes sense. I understand it for what it is--finding the right audience.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping we can all reach this point and stay there. Yeah, understanding doesn't always keep the insecurity away.
You bet it's easier to say than develop that thick skin. We just try.
DeleteIt definitely does help to know that we aren't alone. It helps me a great deal to know that I"m not the only one whose work has been rejected before it finds a home with the right place.
ReplyDeleteHitting the desk of the right editor or agent at the right time isn't luck. You do your homework (research) and take advantage of opportunities.
DeleteThis group is wonderful. We all have times when we are feeling low and this group never fails to lend support.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, Elizabeth.
DeleteIt's the five reviewers who loved it that trump that one that didn't. I do read my reviews because I would miss the good ones and I learn from the bad ones.
ReplyDeleteSo right, Alex.
DeleteDeveloping that thick skin is hard work. I'm getting better at it, but no matter how good I get, I know poor reviews and critiques will still hurt. It's great to have this wonderful support group to keep us thinking positively!
ReplyDeleteHard work, indeed, Lori. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteI love all the different perspectives I've read today on reviews through IWSG. I'm working towards developing a thicker skin but after 15 years it remains the same, though I am developing indifference.
ReplyDeleteI try to shrug off negativity. It's hard.
DeleteHi, Diane,
ReplyDeleteSO true, we are SENSITIVE creatures, BUT that's what makes us special! As you had said, it is not easy putting words on "paper/screen."
Sadly, rejections of ALL sorts are a part of life and we all need to deal with them the best way we can. Like Alex said, read reviews, you don't want to miss the good ones, BUT we can learn from the bad ones too... if they are constructive and not destructive.
Well said, Michael.
DeleteI completely agree with this post! I often feel alone in my writing, because I have no writer friends IRL - that's why IWSG is a godsend for me, because it allows me to connect with other writers :)
ReplyDeleteWe learn so much from each other. Great group!
DeleteMaybe you could write a post on how to handle negativity, Karen. I'd read it.
ReplyDeleteReviews can be helpful, or hurtful, or just brighten the day. Rejection is just another part of writing life. Thank goodness we all can encourage each other.
ReplyDeleteWe are so lucky to have found this group.
Deletethanks for the positive pep talk, we definitely can use other people in our same shoes to talk to! i'm so glad i'm part of the iwsg too!
ReplyDeleteand you've been so kind supporting Pop Travel - I really appreciate it, Diane!!
You're welcome, Tara. Pop Travel introduced a fascinating concept. I'm always intrigued by stories out of the ordinary. Wishing you good luck with it and your new story.
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