Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors where authors share an 8 - 10 sentence snippet. Be sure to visit the other authors. You can find them here.
My snippet is from my WIP, a romantic suspense titled NUMBERS NEVER LIE. Drew Campbell is helping to chaperone an overnight camping trip with his daughter, Ellen, and 7 other girls. The group is led by Maggie Sinclair, Drew's best friend's sister. We're still in Drew's POV.
(Please ignore the rogue commas that keep the snippet within the guidelines.)
“Girls, break time is over,”
the Drill Sergeant was back—hup, two,
three, four.
Groans from the girls met
her announcement, and Drew knew exactly how they felt.
His legs ached, a
blister—no, make that two blisters—had already formed on both sides of his
heels. Worse, he needed to take a leak, he never should have stopped at 7-11 for
a Big Gulp of coffee no matter how much caffeine he required to start his
engine this morning. He should have listened when Ellen warned him it wasn’t a
good idea.
Jack would be laughing his
head off if he knew Drew was actually hiking and camping. Both Jack and Maggie
had inherited their parents’ enthusiasm for camping, Drew shuddered.
After that disastrous Cub Scout campout, Drew vowed never again to venture into
the wild.
Still, when Ellen begged
him, he thought a little hike through a forest would be the perfect opportunity
for some father-daughter bonding. This trip was not turning out the way he
anticipated.
This is the tentative blurb (suggestions welcome)
A shocking secret brings danger to Jack Sinclair and his sister Maggie.
As kids, they were the fearless threesome. As adults, Jack's an accountant; Drew, a lawyer; Maggie, a teacher and camping troop leader. Returning from a weekend camping trip, Maggie receives horrifying news. She refuses to believe her brother’s fatal car crash was an accident. If the police won’t investigate, she’ll do it herself. Convincing Drew Campbell to help is her only recourse.
Drew Campbell was too busy to return his best friend’s phone call. Too busy to attend a camping meeting important to his teen daughter. Too busy to stay in touch with Jack. Logic and reason indicate Jack’s accident was just that--an accident caused by fatigue and fog. Prodded by guilt, he’ll help Maggie even if he thinks she’s wrong.
A break-in at Jack’s condo convinces Maggie she’s right. Then her home is searched. What did Jack leave behind?
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LOL I'm sure father-daughter bonding can happen at a mall, or somewhere else. I can relate to his dislike for camping, but I do love hiking. I just won't sleep outside. Nice snippet! :)
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't sleep outside either, Jess. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteNifty, Diane. Outstanding snippet.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Charmaine. Happy to see you back posting again.
DeleteThis proves the old adage: Beware of scout hiking trips!
ReplyDeleteLOL, Ed. Also, listen carefully before you say yes. :)
DeleteThe snippet drew (so to speak) me in - loved the coffee part. Shows a lot about Drew and it's very believable.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alexandra. Some of us do need a good slug of coffee to start our engines. Drew needs more than a slug. LOL
DeleteLoved all the detail (two blisters, not just one LOL)...makes the scene feel very real. Excellent excerpt!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad. Thanks, Veronica.
DeleteFunny! Although it's easy to go behind a tree for a leak.
ReplyDeleteYeah, guys have it easy. Son took us on a road trip up in the AZ mountains that took so long I was looking for a big tree. LOL
DeleteLove this! As someone who always drinks too much coffee before a hike, then has to pee at the worst possible time (no trees for a mile!), I could totally relate!
ReplyDeleteLOL, Christina. Been there.
DeleteIt shows just how far out of touch Drew is when taking a leak presents such a problem ... in the middle of a forest with all those trees to duck behind! :)
ReplyDeleteYes, he's very out of touch. He'd never consider ducking behind a tree. Disgusting. LOL
Deletelol! It never fails--those Big Gulps!
ReplyDeleteWonderful snippet, Diane!
Thanks, Teresa.
DeleteI feel his pain. Nice job of showing how out of his element he is. Hope he isn't holding out for a flush toilet to magically appear!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alexis. He'd even take an outhouse, if one was nearby. Poor guy.
DeleteOy, I feel his pain. After my last camping adventure back in the fall of 2016 (in which I froze my butt off), I vowed to never go camping again. Only glamping for me from now on! lol
ReplyDeleteYou sound like Drew, Julie. LOL
DeleteAfter all those years as Cub Scouting assistant, I can feel for him! Nice scene, Di.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nancy. I did my camping when I was a lot younger. No more. Give me a nice hotel. LOL
DeletePoor guy. I feel for him.
ReplyDeleteLOL, Elaine. Me, too.
DeletePoor Drew indeed - there are some folk who just should not leave their 'mod. cons. to venture into the great outdoors - unless it's 'glamping', LOL!
ReplyDeleteGood one, Lyn. Maybe he's teachable???
DeleteNothing ever happens the way it's supposed to! :D
ReplyDeleteAin't that the truth, Amy? :)
DeleteYou truly showed how out of his element he is, blisters and all.n Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Karen.
DeletePoor Drew. He's clearly not having the fun he hoped for. Awesome snippet.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Christiane.
DeleteLord! That brings back memories out in the woods with my girls and the Girl Scouts. I hope he has some good experiences out of this trip.
ReplyDelete