I'm sharing a new story, a Middle Grade/YA science fiction adventure, titled Rescuing Mara's Father. It's still a work in progress, so suggestions are welcome. The narrator is Mara, an almost 15-year-old girl who lives in a mining outpost on the Outer Rim. This snippet takes place a little later than last week's. Mara's friend Jako told her about a new ship that's come into spaceport.
Please excuse the creative punctuation, necessary to keep this within the guidelines. It's also edited from the original.
Spaceport is at
the far west end of the village, an easy ten-minute walk. I cut through the
alley between Main and Back Street, but as I round the corner of the
mercantile, I run into a cloud of dust. The dry season has been drier than
usual. If the clouds actually bring rain tonight, everyone will be grateful,
especially the farmers, but the dust cloud I’m seeing isn’t made by the wind
whipping sand between the buildings.
No, it’s a
fight—a one-sided fight, three against one. Since the ‘three’ are the Dunpus
Brothers—meaner than vipers and stronger than hicans—and the ‘one’ is Jako, I
wade in. I mean, he’s just a little kid, while the brothers are around my age.
Two are older, one younger, I think. They don’t come to school—their father
says it’s a waste of time.
Blurb:
Her father is gone! Taken by the Queen of Compara’s agents. Mara has to rescue him before the Queen tortures and kills him.
Instead of the kind, loving father she’s always known, he’s become demanding, critical, with impossible expectations—not just as Father but also as the only teacher in their frontier outpost. Mara would rather scoop zircan poop than listen to another boring lecture about governments on Central Planets. Give her a starship engine to take apart or, better yet, fly, and she’s happy. Now, he's gone.
Never mind, they’ve had a rocky road lately.
Never mind, Father promised she could go off planet to Tech Institute next month when she turns fifteen, where she’ll learn to fly starships.
Never mind, she ran away because she’s furious with him because he reneged on that promise. Father is her only parent. She has to save him.
Along with her best friend, eleven-year-old Jako, and his brother 15-year-old Lukus, Mara sets off to find her father. An old spaceport mechanic and her mentor seems to know why the Queen captured Father. In fact, he seems to know her father well. But, does he tell her everything? Of course not. He dribbles out info like a mush-eating baby. Worse, he indicates he’ll be leaving them soon. And Lukus can’t wait to get off our planet. Mara’s afraid they will all leave her, and she’ll be on her own. Despite her fears, she has to rescue her father.
RESCUING MARA'S FATHER BLOG TOUR
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This is a fabulous scene. It conveys so much about Mara--the kind of person she is. :-)
ReplyDeleteWhen do you hope to have this published?
Thanks, Teresa. Target pub date: end of this month.
DeleteGood to know. Please, send me an email or message me on facebook when you know the date. :-) I promise I won't feel heckled by a reminder. lol
DeleteI love how tough Mara is! She has no hesitation to get involved because it's Jako. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jess. That's Mara--jump into a fight without thinking.
DeleteGood for her!
ReplyDeleteThanks.
DeleteExcitement week after week. Diane you reveal wonderful stories. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Charmaine.
DeleteI want to see her kick butt! Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteNext week.
DeleteGood for her, wading into the fight to help her friend...great snippet. I like this tough character.
ReplyDeleteJust imagine her as an adult. LOL
DeleteNo hesitation- than can be both good and bad. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteYeah, sometimes rushing into danger isn't the best idea.
DeleteI like that she's ready to wade in to help a friend.
ReplyDeleteThat's my girl.
DeleteI'm so glad she's going to try and help. I hope she'll be all right.
ReplyDeleteShe and Jako will do their best.
DeleteGiven the book's title, this scene provides a nice bit of foreshadowing that he's into rescuing people.
ReplyDeleteDidn't think of that, Ed. Good one.
DeleteLove the description, love the excerpt. I'm hooked! I didn't realize you were writing YA science fiction! After writing my own first person book, I've come to love that P.O.V.!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Diana. I've been having a lot of fun with this.
DeleteThis kid needed some help. Good for her.
ReplyDeleteMara & Jako are best buds. As she said earlier, he has her back--implied: she has his.
DeleteI love a fearless protector of the weak! Your female characters are always so admirable.
ReplyDeleteWow. Thanks so much. Is that the mother in me???
DeleteWhat a great snippet. And her voice really comes through in it and your blurb.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Natalie. I hoped it would come through in the blurb. Nice of you to point it out.
DeleteLove it. No hesitation wading in to even up an unfair scuffle.
ReplyDelete