I'm sharing a new story, a Middle Grade/YA science fiction adventure, titled Rescuing Mara's Father. It's a work in progress, so suggestions would be great. This snippet follows last week's. The narrator is Mara, an almost 15-year-old girl.
Please excuse the creative punctuation, necessary to keep this within the guidelines. It's also edited from the original.
Last week's snippet ended with: “And why is the government of Compara considered an autocracy?” Teacher waits.
This week's snippet:
I keep my head
down—if I don’t look at him, maybe he’ll pick on someone else. It’s not like I
don’t know the answer. He’s drummed it into our heads all year, as if knowing
how Comparans are governed is the most important thing in the galaxy. Big
whoop.
Lukus stands,
“Teacher, may I attempt to answer your question?”
Show off.
At Teacher’s
nod, Lukus says, “Technically, Compara is an absolute monarchy which is a more
specific type of autocracy. The Queen Regent assumed absolute power after the
king and both their sons died fifteen years ago. She dissolved the Body of
Representatives and rules by intimidation and terror.”
“Very good,”
Teacher smiles, “Unlike some students, you have been listening,”
Gee, you think he means me?
My father is gone! Taken by the Queen of Compara’s agents. I have to rescue him before the Queen tortures and kills him.
Never mind, we’ve had a rocky road lately. Instead of the kind, loving father I’ve always known, he’s become demanding, critical, with impossible expectations—not just as Father but also as the only teacher in our frontier outpost. I’d rather scoop zircan poop than listen to another boring lecture about governments on Central Planets. Give me a starship engine to take apart or, better yet, fly, and I’m happy.
Never mind, Father promised I could go off planet to Tech Institute next month when I turn fifteen, where I’ll learn to fly starships.
Never mind, I ran away because I’m furious with him for reneging on that promise. Father is my only parent. I have to save him.
Here's the cover. And it's off to my editor. Yay!
We're in the deep freeze. Hope you all are staying warm and have a great week.
Be sure to check out the other WeWriWa authors.
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ReplyDeleteI love how clear her voice comes through in this snippet! Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jess. I channeled my inner girl. :)
DeleteThis classroom scene and her reaction to the show-off seems like a great way to relate to your target audience.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ed. I hope so.
DeleteYou've done it again, Diane. Believable and so real. Thanks for another taste of your story
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Charmaine.
DeleteKids! Lukus might have read it out of school hours.
ReplyDeleteLater, he reveals that Jako (his brother) repeats each lesson Lukus misses.
DeleteNice way to reveal the background for your unique world, Di! She'd be smart to latch onto to Lukus. He seems to have her back.
ReplyDeleteHe does, Nancy, more than she realizes or cares to admit. :)
DeleteAnother well done snippet putting us right back into the MG world. Really enjoyed reading this today...so many things that could happen next, can't wait to find out where the story goes from here.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Veronica. I'll be sharing snippets from this work for a while.
DeleteI LOVE this story. That book is so good! You will have a 5 star review coming from me when you're ready to launch.
ReplyDeleteI didn't take time to load it to my Kindle, so I sat at my computer reading the PDF. Good Lord, my butt was tired from sitting! lol. 190 pages of it was in one sitting. Fantastic writing, Diane!
Wow, Teresa. I am so glad you're enjoying it.
DeleteLOL! I never found it did much good to ignore the question either. But if she knew the answer I wonder why she didn't say anything?
ReplyDeleteShe has a good reason, Ian. Has to do with who Teacher is.
DeleteSomeone's not being the best teacher...
ReplyDeleteThat remains to be seen. I hope readers will turn the page to find out. :)
DeleteDon't you just hate the show offs? But you said he's got her back, so maybe it's not just showing off. That would be nice. But will she appreciate it? Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jenna. Lukus is the showoff (acc. to Mara); his brother Jako is her best friend who has her back. Sorry. Snippets can be disconnected.
DeleteThere's always one show off in every crowd, but is he really a show off or not?
ReplyDeleteEager student. With good reason.
DeleteLove her snarky attitude. :) Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Karen. Wish I'd had her snarkiness when I was her age.
DeleteSounds like the world they're living in might be pretty sinister. But teenager's worries are the same everywhere, aren't they?
ReplyDeleteExactly, Christina. Kids are kids.
DeleteKnows the answer but doesn't want to say it? Sounds rather familiar.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love her snark, too.
Thanks, Aldrea.
DeleteYou really nailed her voice in the snippet. Sounds like a great read.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Natalie. I had fun with her.
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