Monday Morning Musing: My Husband

 

Today is my husband's birthday. A milestone year. We’ve been together for almost 50 years. He’s been my rock throughout all this time. Supportive of anything I’ve wanted to try, especially my writing. He’s cheered me on and commiserated with me over rejections. And he’s celebrated my successes.

As many of you know, we met on a blind date, arranged by two women friends—they both knew me and one’s husband worked with my guy. They thought we would be great together. We were…and still are. We are a generation similar to our parents, yet different in our attitudes, especially toward women’s roles. Before we married, we talked about my role when/if children came along. He said he was okay whatever I chose—to work outside the home or stay home and raise the children. I didn’t realize for a long time what a gift he gave me. The freedom of choice.

He looked on himself as the provider for the family. But his job entailed working much more than a 40-hour week, more like 60 to 80 hour-weeks. When he realized how much he was missing from the kids’ lives, he took a huge risk to change from an assured job to something unknown. It also meant moving several states away from our families. But the new job gave him more time with the children. Time to participate in their activities from Scouts to Odyssey of the Mind.

A quiet man, his love has always been expressed through his actions. He’s a listener, not a judge. Coming from a home where my father’s word was law, I couldn’t believe his understanding and his willingness to listen to other sides, not just with me but with the kids, too. His father was a gentle man, too. They say the apple doesn’t fall from the tree. Very true in this case.

Together, we raised two children who’ve taken the best qualities from each of us and expressed them in their own marriages. They chose spouses who complemented them. Just as he complemented me. We have different talents and skills. He’s math and science; I’m arts and literature. His spatial reasoning puts me to shame. When he says something won’t fit, it usually doesn’t. Woodworking is a talent he put to good use. We have furniture he built, so do our kids. Our grandchildren have Adirondack chairs (their names engraved down one slat) that Papa made. Unfortunately, we have different political views. 😊  In fact, we often cancel each other’s votes.

I’ve often said what a blessing our five grandchildren are. Crawling up on Papa’s lap never gets old. The little ones learn about gentle teasing (never cruel) and tickling. They giggle, race away, then return for more. Pulling on his beard, gently, makes them giggle more.

For almost two years, he wasn’t himself. Strokes, confusion, and what was misdiagnosed as early dementia made him seem distant and vague, as if he couldn’t focus on anything or anyone. It was a scary time for us adults, confusing for the young ones. Worse was the distance because of covid. Thank God, the doctors finally diagnosed him correctly with a proper cure. Our husband, father, grandfather returned.

I’ve been very fortunate to know this man for so long, to work with him as a partner through the good times and difficult ones. My wish for him on this special birthday is that we have many more years together.

 

Happy Birthday, sweetheart.