Welcome to Weekend Writing Warrior and 8 Sentence Sunday, the weekly hops for everyone who loves to read and write! Writers share an 8 to10 sentence snippet. Be sure to visit the other writers. You can find them here.
My snippet is from my upcoming release, THE CASE OF THE MEDDLING MAMA, an Alex O'Hara Novel, third in my PI mystery series. Along with some creative punctuation, it hasn't been edited yet, so suggestions are welcome.
This snippet is from the first chapter and continues after Alex returns from the dress shop.
“Alexandra, is that you?” Maria
Palzetti, Nick’s mom and self-appointed office manager, called out as I came in
through the back door of the agency.
“Yes, it’s me.”
“It is I,” Maria corrected as she bustled down the hall. Short and a
little on the plump side, she always looked stylish. Today, she wore a floral
infinity scarf over a soft lavender short-sleeve sweater and a gray skirt. Her
salt-and-pepper hair framed her face on which she wore light make-up. “Always
remember to use proper English.”
“Yes, Mother,” I said, hoping my grin would take the sting out of my smart-aleck
response. After Mom died, Maria had become the closest thing to a mother, even
though she never tried to take Mom’s place. Actually, she was my mother-in-law—she
just didn’t know it.
And I wasn’t saying.
Once again, Alex O’Hara is up to her ears in mysteries. After
surviving an attempted murder, all she wants is R&R time with Nick
Palzetti. But his mother leaving his father (“that horse’s patoot”) and moving
in with Alex puts a crimp in their plans. Then Nick leaves on assignment and
the teen she rescued from an abusive father believes his buddy is doing drugs.
Meanwhile, Alex has two easy cases to take her mind off her shaky relationship
with Nick—a philandering husband and a background check on a client’s
boyfriend. Piece of cake.
Love it! This is going to be another winner. Can't wait to read it!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Patty.
DeleteShe doesn't know they're married? Well, that just adds to the excitement of this story. Love it! :)
ReplyDeleteOho. So what's with not knowing she's Alex's mother in law?
ReplyDeleteNext week's excerpt will explain.
DeleteHer mother-in-law doesn't know her son's married? Oh boy!
ReplyDeleteLOL
DeleteSneaky little zinger at the end. I like it!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cara.
DeleteHaha, oh boy- Mama-in-law is in for a surprise!
ReplyDeleteYou bet!
DeleteWow! I wouldn't change a thing in this snippet. That's a great hook. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Teresa.
DeleteLoved the intrigued you built into your last two sentences, Diane. I am with Teresa on this. It's an excellent piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteLoved the intrigued you built into your last two sentences, Diane. I am with Teresa on this. It's an excellent piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteOho! That's one heck of a secret to be carrying around!
ReplyDeleteAnd it's killing Alex to be around Nick's mother and keep that secret.
DeleteCharming description then OOPS! You do have an amusing way of turning a phrase.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Charmaine. :)
DeleteOh - big clue there - a secret marriage?
ReplyDeleteExcellent hook right at the end. Love it.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rachel.
DeleteThe last lines certainly caught my attention.
ReplyDeleteGood. :)
DeleteMaria's look perfectly matches her personality. Love it!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amy.
DeleteThat's the kind of secret that gets out eventually. And I doubt it will end well!
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't. LOL
DeleteAck! A Grammar Nazi! Run!
ReplyDeleteLOL
DeleteEek! An in-law all set to remodel her.
ReplyDeleteLOL Maria will try.
DeleteA lot of information revealed in a tiny snippet. Wonderful description of Maria--I could easily visualize her.
ReplyDeleteThat's great. Thanks.
DeleteOh my, secret wedding, I wonder how Maria is going to take it. She might faint. I wonder why she wasn't invited.
ReplyDeleteNo fainting. Maria is tougher than that. ;)
DeleteMaria sounds like a fun lady, but the mother-in-law who doesn't know she's a mother-in-law moving in with her? Talk about tension!
ReplyDeleteYep. All kinds of tension and opportunities for Alex to slip up.
Delete