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Saturday, March 17, 2018

#WeWriWa - NUMBERS NEVER LIE: No Toilets?


Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors where authors share an 8 - 10 sentence snippet. Be sure to visit the other authors. You can find them here

Thanks for all your comments on last week's snippet. I'm glad you like the new title for my work-in-progress, a romantic suspense, Numbers Never Lie.

Suggestions are very welcome on the blurb as well as the snippet. Please excuse the rogue commas.

Today's snippet immediately follows last week's, which ended chapter 1; this is the beginning of chapter two.


“What do you mean no toilets?” Drew Campbell stopped on the dusty forest path, hooked his sunglasses on the placket of his golf shirt, and stared at his daughter.
“Dad-dy,” Was Ellen only fourteen? She did exasperation better than his administrative assistant, “I told you we were camping.”
Not for a moment would Drew reveal that camping was not what he remembered her saying a week ago—she said she wanted him to come along on an outing with her little group of friends, and he figured a hike, picnic lunch, then home for supper.
He got a big surprise when he opened the hatch of the Navigator and found five backpacks—five backpacks with bedrolls—and he’d transported four girls. It didn’t take a law degree to figure out who the fifth backpack was for. He was in deep shit, but what could he say in front of Ellen and her friends?
“Of course, sweetie, I knew we were camping,” he lied.
“Yeah, right, Dad.”


Here's the tentative blurb:

A shocking secret brings danger to Jack Sinclair and his sister Maggie. 

As kids, they were the fearless threesome. As adults, Jack's an accountant; Drew, a lawyer; Maggie, a teacher and camping troop leader. Returning from a weekend camping trip, Maggie receives horrifying news. She refuses to believe her brother’s fatal car crash was an accident. If the police won’t investigate, she’ll do it herself. Convincing Drew Campbell to help is her only recourse.

Drew Campbell was too busy to return his best friend’s phone call. Too busy to attend a camping meeting important to his teen daughter. Too busy to stay in touch with Jack. Logic and reason indicate Jack’s accident was just that--an accident caused by fatigue and fog. Prodded by guilt, he’ll help Maggie even if he thinks she’s wrong.

A break-in at Jack’s condo convinces Maggie she’s right. Then her home is searched. What did Jack leave behind?



32 comments:

  1. That is quite the surprise! I hope he likes bugs. LOL A great snippet! :)

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  2. Oh dear, poor Drew. I like this line: "She did exasperation better than his administrative assistant." Rogue comma there, I take it, but it's still my fave line and made me chuckle.

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    1. Definitely a rogue comma. Glad I brought some laughter this weekend.

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  3. It's not just a camping trip, it's his daughter's sleepover. Double joy.

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    1. LOL, Ed. He's in for bigger surprises.

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  4. He needs to pay more attention, clearly. This trip has disaster written all over it now! Enjoyed the excerpt, can't wait for more...

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  5. I share his idea of camping. ;)

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    1. I hate to say it, but I do, too. I did the Girl Scout thing, camped with my daughter, etc. But give me a hotel any day.

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  6. The part about five backpacks and bedrolls had me thinking about Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

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  7. I assume he has experience in backpacking!

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    1. None at all. He's in a world of hurt.

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  8. Oh dear, a lesson to all dads - listen carefully to what your daughter tells you! Great snippet!

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    1. He's learning the hard way. Poor guy.

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  9. You've perfectly captured the joys of mismatched expectations! :)

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    1. Thanks, Ken. He's going to regret some choices he's made with Ellen.

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  10. Poor Drew! I hope someone remembered to pack toilet paper and mosquito spray.

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    1. Good point. Ellen took care of his backpack.

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  11. LOL - does take a law degree to figure out he's been had by 4 girls.
    Tweeted.

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    1. Thanks, Daryl. Actually, just by his daughter. The rest are so grateful he could come (so they could go on the hike).

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  12. I loved this excerpt! What a great surprise for him - and not a good one I'm guessing.

    Ha. His dilemma resonated with me. Poor Drew.

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  13. Ellen is tricky, isn't she? Not sure this is going to end well, though.

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    1. She is, indeed. Drew will show his real character on the trip.

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  14. Great excerpt! Dads definitely don't listen half the time, so it was amusing to see this pan out. Looking forward to hearing how the camping trip goes.

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    1. Thanks, Bethany. He has (sort of) a good reason for only half listening. He just hasn't shared it with Ellen.

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  15. That would be a shock to think you are going on an outing but you end up camping instead. Can’t wait to see how this all turns out.

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    1. Thanks, Karen. Quite a shock for Drew.

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  16. A camping trip with four teenage girls? Not thank you. Love the tricky way Ellen must've worded it all, though.

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    1. If he hadn't gone, no trip. He only had 1/2 the girls. Maggie had the other 4. Better or worse than 4? Not sure I would've wanted to be on that trip, but Maggie loves it.

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