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Saturday, February 17, 2018

#WeWriWa: Visiting His Kid Sister


Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors where authors share an 8 - 10 sentence snippet. Be sure to visit the other authors. You can find them here

Thanks for all your comments on last week's snippet. I'm sharing a work-in-progress. It's a romantic suspense about a woman who doesn't believe her brother's car crash was an accident. Suggestions are very welcome.

Today's snippet picks up right after last week's, which ended with She lowered the shovel, “Gee, I don’t know. Ya think maybe because I live here?”

Jack picked up the CD and case, “Are you sick? It’s Friday, and only—” he checked his watch, “—one o’clock, why aren’t you in school?”
Maggie gave him a long look—shadows rimmed his eyes, and his mouth had creases she hadn’t noticed the last time she saw him, three or four weeks ago—her neatnik brother never looked disheveled, yet there he was in wrinkled slacks, sport shirt nearly hanging out.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, “you look tired.”
Actually, he looked like his shoulders carried the weight of the world, as their mom used to say, “With Ben out, I had to take over his clients on top of my own.”
Jack’s partner in the accounting firm had a nasty confrontation with the pavement when his motorcycle went one way, and he went the other.
“How’s Ben doing?” she asked.
“He came into the office today, hobbling on crutches and trying to type with one hand, and you never said why you’re home in the middle of the afternoon.”
“School is out for the summer—” she returned the shovel to the rack “—and you never said why you’re sneaking into my garage?”
He gave her a cocky grin—the creases along his mouth and across his forehead eased, “Can’t I visit my kid sister?”


Be sure to check out the other WeWriWa authors. 


24 comments:

  1. Hehe. He's trying his hardest to change the topic. I wonder if she'll eventually get the answer out of him. Great snippet!

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    1. Thanks, Jess. He is avoiding the question, but she's no pushover.

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  2. Why is he skulking around her house? What's he hiding? Nice dialogue!

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  3. Good dialogue, enjoyed their conversation, seems like each one is trying to turn the conversation to avoid telling the other something! Great snippet...

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  4. Really enjoyed this and am eager to see where it goes!

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  5. For brother and sister, they sure are being evasive. Definitely has me wondering what he's up to.

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  6. Love the back and forth. True siblings. She's a smart cookie!

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  7. Great sibling banter. Makes me curious what he is up to.

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  8. This is an interesting snippet - has me wondering what he's hiding and if she's hiding something too!

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    1. Glad that's coming through. Thanks, Lyn.

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  9. These two really seem like brother and sister in the way they avoid issues.

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  10. Hmm. maybe something is up here after all. I like the relationship between them.

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  11. Ah, family. It's almost always a little strange. I love their back and forth.

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